I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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