I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
