Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
