we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
