I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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