Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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