I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize