I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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