I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
