Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
