Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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