fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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