I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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