no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
These tits shall not be calmed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
