my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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