Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
