I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize