Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it glows. i had to have it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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