ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
