chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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