Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
