Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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