i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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