who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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