We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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