hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
