Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
