I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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