Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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