Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
