I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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