He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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