Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
