I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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