I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
