If i come over, it means nothing
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
