I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
