Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize