I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
