I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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