im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
