i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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