My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize