I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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