i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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