do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
