I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
