Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
