Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
