Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Damn victory sex feels great
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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