This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
