I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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