i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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