He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
