Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
