I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
