I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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