i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
