Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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