Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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