Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
high people should be assigned attendants
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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