you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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