I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
