I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Holy sore nipples Batman
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
