Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize