Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Can i not drive my cunt home
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm passing your future prison.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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