you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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