living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
