Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
