Swine flu. Run for my life!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
