Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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