You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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