John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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