Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
