woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No subtext here. People are naked.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
