Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
