When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His hands were made for my vagina.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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