I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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