atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
