the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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