I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
