theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
