i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
