sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
