i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
